The Great Turkey Pardon of 2017 is almost upon us and in preparation the internet is cooking up some exceptionally bad satire and a few of the tastiest turkey name jokes you’ve ever heard.
On Saturday, the White House’s official Snapchat account announced that the two turkeys President Trump is scheduled to traditionally pardon on Tuesday had arrived in D.C. On Monday, the names were revealed: Drumstick and Wishbone.
The names seem tame for Trump, though they’re a bit weird if you consider the fact that the turkeys were named after their own body parts.
Love ’em or hate ’em the internet brainstormed names of their own — ones that Trump might identify with a bit more closely — and feel he may have missed a golden opportunity.
On Saturday, in a horrible attempt at satire, conservative humor site Reagan Was Right declared Trump had named the female bird Obama and the male bird Clinton per a request by his youngest son Barron. Meanwhile on Twitter, others were chiming in with jokes about the birds, suggesting names that centered around names of people Trump would love to pardon IRL, like his son-in-law Jared Kushner who’s been caught using a private email address for White House business, for example.
Trump already pardoned a turkey.
His name was Sheriff Arpaio.
— Mithras Angel (@mithrasangel) November 20, 2017
SPEAKING OF TURKEYS 🦃 WHAT NAME WILL POTUS NAME HIS PRESIDENTIAL TURKEY HE’S SUPPOSED TO PARDON⁉️
— Dolly Madison (@dollymad1812) November 15, 2017
I fully expect Trump to name the turkey Jared Kushner before pardoning it.
— Jessie Lahr (@JessieLahrr) November 20, 2017
How soon into the annual Pardon of the Turkey ceremony will Trump declare it’s the greatest pardon ever, much better than Obama over the past 8 years?
— Wiley Miller (@TheWileyMiller) November 20, 2017
Donald Trump is going to pardon only the white meat parts of the turkey.
— Frida Shahlo (@MrButterChicken) November 20, 2017
When they ask Donald Trump which turkey he wants to pardon for Thanksgiving, he’ll probably say “Donald Trump Jr”
— Palmer Report (@PalmerReport) November 20, 2017
Trump pardoning a turkey except it’s Mike Flynn in a turkey outfit. No one points out that it is Flynn in an outfit.
— Desu Arnaz (@Soulmech) November 20, 2017
Would be really funny if instead of pardoning a turkey Trump got really competitive with it about the size of the crowds they both draw.
— Melville House (@melvillehouse) November 20, 2017
But no matter the names, these turkeys had better be on their best behavior and remember to profusely thank Trump for the pardon to avoid being publicly shamed on Twitter … or worse.
For Thanksgiving Donald Trump is going to pardon a turkey and then yell at it for 14 hours for not thanking him properly
— elan gale (@theyearofelan) November 19, 2017
If that turkey doesn’t thank Trump on stage at the pardoning ceremony Trump is going to behead it live on TV
— Comfortably Smug (@ComfortablySmug) November 19, 2017
The National Turkey Federation is paying for the two birds to enjoy a luxurious stay at the Willard Intercontinental Hotel, according to The Hill, and after the festivities are over they’ll head to Virginia Tech’s “Gobbler’s Rest” to join last year’s birds pardoned by former President Obama.
Best of luck, guys! We’re all rooting for you.